Cold hands, warm shart.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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