I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
