mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
