Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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