shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
