Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
