member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
