It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I lost the right to judge tonight
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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