I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
