New invention idea: vibrating tampons
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I fill condoms, not promises.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
