I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
zippers are such a cool invention
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
