his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
