I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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