just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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