thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He shit in the fireplace
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
