Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
