dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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