Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
