think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
