i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
