Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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