Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
