I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
