Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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