Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
