Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
