Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
