no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
