found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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