More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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