Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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