There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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