Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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