I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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