True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
try to milk me bitch
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
