i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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