A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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