are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
