do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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