I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
