I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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