My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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