I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
