we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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