Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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