Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
