Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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