Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
