Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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