im six kinds of drunk right now
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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